


Nine Hours

by LampWickGirl



Category: Batman (Comics), Batman - All Media Types
Genre: Drabble, Gen, Hijinks & Shenanigans, Just some sibling fun, Most people get at least (1) mention, No Plot/Plotless, Siblings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-28
Updated: 2020-03-28
Packaged: 2021-02-28 23:49:05
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,348
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23365723
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LampWickGirl/pseuds/LampWickGirl
Summary: Narrows kids stick together, even in the face of death.Or being grounded by Bruce.
Relationships: Bruce Wayne & His Dumbass Kids, Jason Todd & Stephanie Brown & Duke Thomas
Comments: 15
Kudos: 160





	Nine Hours

**Author's Note:**

> I did this in under an hour last night and now I kind of hate it. No editing we die like Robins.

Bruce looked down at the three degenerates standing before him, each wearing a different style of bored expression. Their confidence was ironclad, rare in the criminals he usually faced, even for ones so skilled. They were also sadly intelligent enough to present a united front against him. How dare they resist retribution for their crimes? How dare they deny their immorality from the great Batman? How dare they all be taller than him?

Sighing and running a hand down his face, Bruce put on his best scowl (known to make nine out of ten criminals shit themselves) and used his scariest Batgrowl. “I’ll ask you three one more time. _Who locked Tim in the bathroom_?”

Duke, Jason, and Stephanie barely moved an inch. If at all possible, they just looked more amused. Then the silence broke with three different voices chattering at the same time.

“I have no idea”

“Damian- wait no, Batcow.”

“Who’s Tim? What’s a bathroom?”

He sighed again. “One at a time please.” He turned to the child most likely to be reasonable. “Duke, you first.”

“Ok, first of all; I had no idea that Tim was even locked in a bathroom in the first place. Also- are we sure this wasn’t just some regrettable accident? Doors get locked by mistake all the time.” His sibling murmured in agreement and looked at Bruce expectantly.

“The door was locked from the outside. _With a padlock_.” Seriously, how dumb did they think he was? He hadn’t spent all that time becoming Batman to not notice one of his children was missing. That time he left Cass at Whole Foods was an accident. He’d had to go grocery shopping, that was already traumatic enough. Thank god Vicki Vale wasn’t hiding among the fresh produce, waiting for him to make an ass out of himself. It wasn't his fault his daughter was just so good at camouflaging with the bread.

Steph raised an eyebrow at Bruce. “Padlock? I hadn’t heard anything about that. That’s crazy. We’d never do something like that, right guys?”

The boys nodded vigorously in agreement. Clearly this was going to take some effort. “Jason, you’re next. What do you have to say for yourself?”

The boy in question stuck his hands in his pockets lazily. “What was the question again?”

Bruce glared at his shit-eating grin and doubled his efforts. “What was your motivation for locking Tim in the bathroom?”

“Even if I did have anything to do with Tim being locked in the bathroom, he’s fine. Don’t make such a big deal of it. He was only in there for nine hours and Alfred eventually heard his screams anyway. What’s he going to need? Counselling, for being locked in a bathroom?”

Steph nodded in agreement. “Yeah, it’s not like we face more dangerous things every night. Tim will be fine. Remember that time Gotham went through a pandemic and we found 40% of Gotham’s toilet paper supply in Babs’ apartment? Now that was traumatic.”

Dammit, the united front stood strong against his attacks- wait, how did Jason know that Tim had been in the bathroom for nine hours? “Jason, how long did you say Tim was in the bathroom for again?”

His son’s face revealed a fragment of surprise before it was concealed under his usual calm mask. Aha, there it was. “Nine hours, it was hard not to hear Tim wailing about it earlier.” Jason crossed his arms defensively and Bruce noted that his siblings followed suit.

“I remember hearing nothing of the sort.” Bruce allowed himself a smug grin of his own before throwing another bombardment at Stephanie. “And what were you three doing in the Cave earlier, when Alfred caught you down there messing with the equipment? Having a friendly spar?”

The woman shifted her feet nervously. Duke seemed to notice the tick and slapped her softly on the arm, throwing a questioning glance her way. “Yeah, just like you said B, a friendly spar.”

His smile growing, Bruce unleashed the last weapon in his arsenal. The one that would have them turning on each other like rats on a sinking ship. “If you tell me who did it, I’ll let the other two off the hook.” His children stared at him, wide eyed; before glancing suspiciously at each other. “Any takers?”

Finally, Duke bit. “It was Steph. Tim made one of his weird comments earlier today and someone-“ He threw a glare in her direction. “- decided that it was a cardinal sin and he deserved to be punished properly.”

The offender gaped at him uncomprehendingly. Jason looked as if he was on the verge of raucous laughter. “Thank you, Duke. Stephanie, no patrol for the next three days.” Those fools, those _buffoons_. Did they seriously think that they could hide their treachery from him? _The Worlds’ Greatest Detective?_ He was justice. He was the night. He was Batman. Such clownery would not be tolerated from his partners, they would pay for-

“Uh B? You’re getting too far into your internal monologue again.” Jason looked at him pityingly before continuing. “Timmy deserved what he got. Brat didn’t pay me back after shielding him from one of Cass’ weird bonding nights. Now Damian on the other hand…” Duke elbowed his older brother in the side and hissed at him to shut up.

What about Damian? It was strange he wasn’t also standing before him; Damian would usually never pass up the opportunity to do something nasty to Tim.

As if on cue, Alfred burst into the room. “Master Bruce, I’m afraid we have a situation.”

“What is it, Alfred?” Was the Joker out again? Did Ra’s want to vivisect another of his children? Were aliens attacking the earth? Had Hal Jordan done the unthinkable and _developed a few braincells?_ All of those situations were equally likely, except for the last one, which would never happen.

“Worse I’m afraid, Master Bruce. I’ve found Damian. It appears he is in a similar plight to Master Timothy. Where did you put the bolt cutters again?”

Bruce glance at the trio again, Steph having adopted Jason’s trademark grin. Duke however, was staring meaningfully into the carpet…

“Duke,” he whispered, betrayed by his only quasi-reasonable child. “How could you do this to me. You and Damian at least like each other.”

The boy shrugged, unconcerned. “Stole my Lucky Charms.”

Bruce turned to Jason. “And who did you lock in a bathroom, Jason? Harper? Kate?” He dreaded the answer.

Jason’s eyes shifted around the room. “Nobody. I just brought the two schemers together and provided the padlocks.”

Bruce pinched the bridge of his nose. “You three... are in so-“

He was rudely interrupted by Stephanie yelling ‘scatter!’ and leaping out of the nearest open window. Jason upended the nearest couch, barely missed knocking over his third favourite lamp, and used the arm to fluidly vault over Bruce’s head, sprinting into the hallway and down the stairs. Duke remained where he was, like a rabbit in the headlights, and Bruce stared at him. A standoff then, if that was how he wanted to play it.

The boy smirked. “Might want to check on Damian. He’s been in that bathroom for over ten hours. He missed lunch. Must be getting really hungry.”

Bruce cracked under the pressure. He couldn’t leave one of his kids, who was possibly starving and cold. Lonely as well. He stabbed a finger at Duke. “You stay right here. I’ll deal with you when I’m done.”

Duke’s smirk turned into a full-blown grin. One that looked very familiar. Dammit, he didn’t think his sons has spent enough time around each other that Duke would perfect Jason’s smile. “Of course, Bruce. I’ll just wait-“ He plopped down onto another sofa. “Right here. You know how much I love waiting.”

There were some things Bruce could deal with, and this was not one of them. He stalked out of the room, Alfred at his heels. In the distance, he could vaguely hear Damian yelling death threats at his siblings.

 _God fucking dammit._ Why did he ever have children?

**Author's Note:**

> Things that will be explained in later drabbles:
> 
> \- The Whole Foods Incident (and why Alfred wasn't doing the groceries)  
> \- Which child was vivisected by Ra's  
> \- The pandemic  
> \- How they got the children into the bathrooms  
> \- Cass' random family bonding nights
> 
> Yeah, hope you enjoyed.


End file.
